Back to school
by jharkens
Summary: GAY; Drarry; After the war, the surviving students return to school to finish their education for year seven, including the infamous Draco Malfoy. Harry tries his best to blame the now depressed self-loathing Malfoy and consider him a force of evil but knowing those feelings are false what repressed feelings lurk beneath the surface?
1. Chapter 1

Back to school

"You think you've changed? Or do you just want us to think you've changed!? Protective Malfoy, Quiet Malfoy, SAD Malfoy."

This was the part Draco hated, the worst part was about to come, the part that made him want to turn and run before he had to see it.

Harry's words were thick with emotion but the anger always melted into sadness.

"Do you have any idea how many people died Malfoy?! How many people suffered? You helped them. You helped HIM, he killed-... SO many people. You helped him." Harry's voice cracked and his eyes had become red with the stress of holding back tears.

Draco could feel his own face sting, his stomach drop and his heart tear its self apart once again. He didn't walk away he just stood staring at the broken warrior who's life he helped tear to pieces at every turn, even before Voldemort took him.

"Why?" Harry asked breathlessly.

What was Draco supposed to say? 'He would have killed me'? 'He would have killed my family'? None of it mattered, in the end, he betrayed the side of good. He had made his choice, his life had been more important than everyone else's, and so this was the punishment, surviving.

Harry stepped closer to Malfoy brimming with emotion, anger was back in his voice now but he couldn't hide the sadness that stained his words with a tremor, "Tell me why." When he got no reply Harry let out a shaky sigh that held the last of his anger, when he spoke again all that was left was the broken sadness and disappointment, "You can't be evil Malfoy. No one is just evil. Tell me, please. I want to know you aren't I need to." The strength only returned to his voice for the last sentiment. Harry waited unwavering for any answer he could get.

When Draco spoke tears fell with his shaky broken voice, "HE was."

Harry knew who he meant but he had no reply, what could he say to someone who saw themselves as as bad as the worst wizard to ever live.

"My dad was, the death eaters were," Now that Draco started to talk he couldn't seem to stop his trembling lips from pouring out his burning thoughts, "I fought with them, I'm just as bad as them. I'm glad I survived,I'm glad I'm still here. Dying wouldn't have been enough. I-"

"SHUT UP MALFOY!" screamed Harry. He was buzzing with confliction, he wanted to be able to blame Malfoy, in reality he DID want to believe Malfoy was evil but he didn't and he couldn't. Was it fair that even he knew that and Draco didn't? "Voldemort never cried, Draco. He never mourned, he didn't regret anything except losing. You are nothing like him." The venom in Harry's voice didn't match the consolation of his words but Draco didn't want to listen to what he had to say.

"You said it yourself, blood is on my hands. I don't want your sympathy, the only reason I don't want your hatred is because of it h-" Draco stopped short, biting his lips through his unspoken words, he didn't plan on telling his ex-nemesis that he hated seeing him so torn, who was he to something like that? If he didn't want to hurt Harry he shouldn't have been the worst part of his day since they were eleven years old.

Harry just shook his head and walked around Malfoy, heading back to where he belonged, with his friends. And so Malfoy wiped his wet face, cursing himself violently inside his mind as he walked toward the Slytherin dungeons.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The next day Draco sat by the lake watching ripples grow and fade, it had become his favorite place to be, other than Harry's rarely seen good side. The lake was the only place that he didn't think about everything he did and everything he helped happen.

"Can I sit?" came Harry's voice from behind causing a massive flinch, turning Malfoy instinctually around.

"Sorry! I should have thought first," Harry apologized, raising his hands in a sign of peace.

Draco turned back to the lake and gave a half nod to the dark haired boy behind him.

Pushing his newly replaced glasses back up his nose the Gryffindor lowered himself next to the brooding boy to his left and pulled out the words he had been practicing all night and day: "Malfoy, it's not your fault." The words still came out hard and cold but he knew it was true and he meant it honestly.

"I don't want that, Potter!" snapped Draco preparing another argument of self-loathing, but Harry had expected this reply. He already knew what Draco wanted and maybe that's why it was so easy to channel his pain at the war-torn boy, because it is exactly what he wanted.

Now Harry was sick of it from both sides, he was going to say what he really thought for once, not what he wanted to think. "Yes, Malfoy, I know. What you want is to sit in misery and pain, torturing yourself. You want to feel hated because you think you're bad but Ya know what? You're NOT. I have no idea why you even think that!" Harry was yelling now but he didn't yell it at Malfoy, he just kept looking over the Slytherins favorite lake as he vented his wound up mind. "You're such an easy scapegoat but what the hell did you DO?! Did you kill innocent people out of spite or hatred? Or worse for fun, like half the death eaters? Did you join Voldemort for power?" His voice was slowly lowering again as he spoke, finally being honest with himself and his resentment, "Did you even want to? ...No."

Draco opened his mouth to speak but Harry instantly cut him off: "No!" now he looked at Draco trying to capture his pale eyes, "There is nothing wrong with you. I couldn't help you Malfoy. You were trapped in fear, and suffering and I couldn't help you anymore than I could help any of the people who died in the war. And NO I'm not blaming myself either, it was their war too and they fought for what they believed in. But you do have to admit Draco... I hardly even tried. I cried for every life lost, and every wounded person but I didn't even try to help you. What, a few empty words in the heat of a fight? Yeah, what an attempt.."

"I don't blame you," said Malfoy unsure of how he felt at the moment but entirely sure that it wasn't Harry's fault in any way.

"No, I know. I'm not asking you to, I'm not saying you should, but you shouldn't blame yourself for things you didn't do. You stood with your family under pain of death, or worse. You were never evil, Draco, I was just too blind to see that."

"I should have died fourth year," Draco said coldly, hiding the effect that Harry's words were having on him, he didn't want to listen, he still felt a black stain on his heart and mind, "I should have taken the punishment and you know it. That year or any year after it, any day after that, I could have said no. I should have refused, like you would have."

"And then you'd be dead, Malfoy! And DONT say that would be a good thing!" Harry stood now turning to face the boy that sat beneath him staring over still water, "I don't want you dead. I'm just as glad that you're still here as you are but maybe your reasons are the wrong ones."

Draco rolled his wet, reddening eyes, "Oh please, Potter, you wouldn't have minded at the time would you have? You've always hated me."

"Yes, I would care! And yes, I did hate you, Draco," as he spoke with rising emotion Harry fell to his knees face- to-face with this seemingly unfixable boy, "but what about when I found out how brave you were? I would carry this guilt with me through my entire life. You're a better person than you think and I would never have gotten to tell you that.. I would have only realized how good you are by losing you! I would only know that I lived my life hating a wonderful man."

Draco's steel eyes turned to meet the green of Harry's before he dropped his gaze once again and looked back to the lake.

"A wonderful man?... How can someone like you say that to someone like me? I was cowardly and always jealous of you, I wanted your friends, your fame, your bravery.. I wanted you and I wanted to be you." Draco whispered with a scoff, "Precious Potter grew up to be savior of our world Potter and I stayed exactly the way I was."

Harry stayed silent as annoyance and disbelief grew in his impatience, he let out a small sigh, "You're right," he admitted, "you're just as overdramatic as always."

No one had seen Draco's smile in years and Harry felt lucky to get to see it after such a long time. Harry couldn't help smiling as he took in the sight, he didn't think Draco had ever actually smiled at him, they had always been enemies. Harry never knew what he was missing until now.

"I haven't seen you smile in a long time," Draco said, finally looking at Harry.

"Yeah, same.." replied the Gryffindor who's emerald eyes seemed to be glued to the Slytherin next to him. Harry pulled himself to his feet and extended a large hand to take Draco's smaller snowy one, pulling him from the ground.

Draco had been planning on staying for a little while but he'd never pass a chance like this.

The two walked toward Gryffindor tower together, all of their classmates used the common room as a hang-out of sorts. Draco rarely went because of Harry's animosity, he only went if he was asked which surprisingly did happen from time to time.

When the pair walked in a couple of the more obnoxious students mock cheered, some sent silent glances anywhere from smirks to glares. Hermione was reading on the couch in front of the fire and gave the two a wide smile when she saw them. She quickly jumped up from the middle and politely insisted that the two sat next to one another. While Draco assumed she didn't want to have sit next to him (and he didn't blame her,) her actual goal was to ensure the pair stayed next to the other.

The three shared a stimulating, if not confusing conversation, for a bit, covering a plethora of topics that only Hermione really understood (although Draco kept up much better than Harry could.) It wasn't long until Hermione noticed the time and hoped up chirping about her schedule as she fluttered around the common room collecting her books in her arms and lugging them out routinely.

Soon the other students filtered out as well, after all even war survivors still had classes.

"Are you still too good to cut class?" Malfoy asked hopefully, his voice beginning to be re-touched with his old Slytherin mischief.

"Hm," Harry pretending to have to consider the suggestion before agreeing, "I think I can afford to miss one or two classes."


	3. Chapter 3

The boys spent the day revisiting and exploring the old cracks and crevices of the castle, there were a few places and subjects that Harry had to practically drag a depressed Draco away from, but in the end, the lion was still sad to part with the snake.

Harry smiled his way back to the common room once classes were over, unfortunately, when he got there he found a furious Hermione tapping her foot and glaring daggers until everyone else including Ron vacated the premises.

"Harry Potter." She started, Harry swore she sounded like a howler, he had to resist the urge to cover his ears, "You had better have a BLOODY good excuse." Hermione had clearly been spending too much time with Ron lately, she was even more scary with bad language.

"I was with Dr- er Malfoy..." Harry admitted quietly, preparing for an explosion.

"WELL, at least you had a good reason but HONESTLY Harry class is a vital part of life, you should feel lucky to get-"

"Wait, what?" Harry was shocked at her response, "Why is being with Malfoy a 'good' reason? I thought you'd be furious... well, more furious anyway."

Hermione hesitated considering the best way to phrase her message in a way that could make Harry understand best. After a moment she asked: "How long did you talk?"

"Well, we didn't really stop," he told her, "until we had to come back to the dorms."

"And you don't find that odd?" she asked pointedly, "School started back months ago Harry.. no one could get close to him." When she paused Harry knew it was to make a point and didn't dare interrupt, in fact, it served its purpose as Harry did start to realize that neither Draco nor himself had held a good conversation with really anyone since the war, but neither seemed to want to say goodbye after hours of talking. "And then you have ONE conversation with him and he unfolds in a minute?"

"Okay Hermione, what are you getting at?" Nervousness seemed to be growing in the Gryffindor's normally 'lion' heart as the punch line seemed to be growing closer.

The clever girl must have been able to tell because her barrage of clues came to an end and she let her brown eyes lower to the floor releasing their intimidation, she stepped closer and put a soft hand on her friend's shoulder before looking back into his eyes. "Harry, let me know how it goes okay?" with that her thick brown hair was moving past the confused young man and she was headed up the stairs to the girl's room.

"What? Hermione wait, I thought you were going to help! What are you talking about?" harry squeaked out but Hermione's slender figure and brilliant mind were already up the winding stairs, clearly avoiding the questions.

After standing in an upsetting silence for several minutes Harry had no choice but to head to bed as well, Draco would already be in his dormitory, where Harry couldn't get to him, there was nothing he could do.

As Harry lay in his bed his head swam, much like the lake thoughts of Draco Malfoy stagnated unwavering in his mind only interrupted with ripples of what Hermione said, the meaning of which was growing more and more clear by the minute. He'd never sleep at this rate, he kept bouncing between a nervous blush and an idiotic smile as the pureblood's smile bounced around his head endlessly.

Tired and anxious from never ending thought Harry sat up and slipped on his hoodie and shoes, maybe the lake could calm his mind, so he slipped out into the halls and headed down.

The night air was a bit too cold for Harry's taste, he was beginning to miss the fall before it had even ended. As he got closer to the lake his mind began to refocus on what was in front of him, but he was still tired after all.. maybe he was imagining the figure by the lake who's hair gleamed a silver white color under the stars. As Harry walked closer and closer he could see the green and silver tie wrapped loosely around the collar of a white uniform shirt. Cheekbones sharp as diamond came clear along with the boy's snowy complexion but Harry was only fully captured when sparkling eyes turned to Harry like two warm blizzards.

A smile crept across Harry's face without his knowledge as he kept walking, eager to speak to his old enemy but once he got near enough the words didn't seem to come.. until a thin grin washed over Draco's face lighting his eyes like stars stopping Harry's swirling mind.

"You're beautiful.." Harry whispered breathlessly, he suddenly couldn't understand how he had never seen it before. Even in the dark of the night, Draco's blush was clear on his ivory toned skin, when his eyes dropped in embarrassment and surprise he instantly lifted them again, not wanting to look away from Harry's starlit emerald eyes under his fading lightning scar.

Draco cautiously stepped closer to the gorgeous dark haired man in front of him, lifting his hands slowly and sliding Harry's wire glasses gracefully from his nose and placing them in his own back pocket.

"I don't think 'beautiful' suits me," Draco said in a hushed voice smiling sweetly, when he felt Harry's arms rise as he stepped closer yet he tried to stop his chest from filling with anxiety but he wasn't the same anymore, his eyes closed tightly as he breathed away the stress but when warm hands landed gently on Draco's back and Harry's voice whispered inches from his face: "trust me, it does." the fear melted away and the closed of boy let himself fall against Harry. When he opened his pale eyes again Harry was smiling a broad smile, "I told you I was blind.." he cooed into Draco's ear.

"And I told you I wanted you.." hissed the Slytherin boy before he pushed his lips firmly against Precious Potters, Harry's hands curled into the soft fabric of Draco's thin shirt, his fingertips pushing into the lean muscle beneath as the two held each other as tight as they could.


	4. Chapter 4

SMUT WARNING: This chapter is in its entirety smut. If you do not want to read Darry smut please DO NOT. This has been posted at the request of a certain reader if you do not want to read this feel free not to. It contains no further importance to the story.

It was Harry who pushed Draco backward never breaking their kiss while walking until they found a tree to lean against, but it was the quieter, thinner one who sunk to the ground still pulling Harry with him until he had the Good hearted Gryffindor pressed against him as they sat against the trunk. When they finally broke apart for air the sly Slytherin took the chance to pull Harry's gray hoodie over his head revealing no shirt beneath, just bare muscle that a warrior couldn't help but build during a war. Harry set to work on Draco's buttons but when the surprisingly strong boy pulled him back into a deep kiss letting him explore his mouth for the first time his large hands tore the shirt open shooting buttons into the dirt and revealing soft untouched unexplored platinum skin.

There was a moment of hesitation in which Harry couldn't help but to take in the scene beneath him, a half naked Draco Malfoy under the stars giving him warmth through out his body, Draco sat up pulling his torn shirt off entirely before practically tackling Harry onto the ground. Now it was the Slytherin's turn to press against Harry who wasn't half cold feeling the heat resonating from the ground beneath him and the lean, cut boy on top of him, not to mention the burning blood in his cheeks and between his legs.

When Draco let himself stretch entirely across Harry's body, laying fully on him a deep unexpected moan came from Harry and his thick arms wrapped around Draco's thin back, his cold hands squeezing and sliding down to the boy's hips and pulling them against his own dragging a higher pitched sound from Malfoy.

Even in the boiling heat of the moment Harry couldn't help but wonder how long he had secretly wanted this, not even Voldemort coming back from the dead could take him off of the beautiful boy who was... Harry's thought froze in time as he took a sharp inhale and his back arched at the sudden feeling of cold hands slithering down his abs and into his pants. Harry thought he may he have died when he felt nibble, ice like fingers wrapping around the hotest part of his body, but he was glad to be alive when Draco kissed his way to the stunned boy's ear and whispered "I've wanted to do this for years" in a breathy lustful voice that made Harry melt.

As Malfoy's hand slid rhythmically around Harry, the Gryffindor's hand slid up and down Draco's thigh while the other found it's way into the back of tight uniform pants pulling the breath out of the nearly panting boy and causing his perfect teeth to latch down lightly on Harry's tough shoulder, green eyes shot open along with a speechless mouth, throwing his head back the 'limitless' hero couldn't take anymore and felt an orgasmic release pump through his body like lightning. Draco's warm lips wrapped around Harry's earlobe as a soft but cosmically deep moan poured out against Harry's neck and the lower of the two felt the limber body above him tense and vibrate before collapsing flat onto Harry's chest.

"I hardly touched you," Harry whispered, still having difficulty forcing words out.  
Harry felt a nibble on his collar bone before Draco's breathless voice whispered, "When it's you, you don't need to.." before his thin hand spread against Harry's chest. Despite the cold, the two boys continued to lay hidden in the shadow of the tree until the black sky began to turn blue.


End file.
